My overall impression of this paper is that it is on the right track but ultimately is incomplete. That being said the question asked “How do professionals in the field write”, was not answered in what was presented. The flow was very strong through the paragraph transitions. But there are many areas that could use a slight review. In the introduction paragraph, many sentences began or contained the pronoun “I”. This is not recommended because as a research paper, it should remain purely academic. It is easy to change these to “one” or to reword the sentences from “I found” to “the research shows that”. These small changes really improve tone of the entire paper. Not including I, makes the paper more academic in tone and more professional as a whole. Also, all verbs should be present tense. Instead of, “the research showed” it should be, “the research shows”, because if the reader goes and looks, they should still find the same information that you found. In terms of organization, I recommend changing from explaining the audience of Human Physiology writings, to using that to explain why they write the way that they do. In class, we discussed how SLR(structure, language, and reference) and strategies of writing while AATP(audience,author,topic,and purpose) are ideas that impact and explain why and how SLR is used in writing. This will also solve the problem of not fully answering the question of the prompt. As a final suggestion, create a loosely structured outline to complete your paper. It is helpful to have organization already planned out. I recommend separating academic and nonacademic writings, and then under each category explaining SLR and then using AATP to explain how they write and why the strategies they use are effective.
My overall impression of your paper is really good, I thought it was very informative and described the forms of writing well. I think you used a really good amount of examples and quotations to support your paper and your transitions between paragraphs were really good as well. I noticed that you refer to yourself as "I" quite a few times throughout your paper and I think it you tried to avoid that it would improve the overall quality of your paper and make you sound more professional. You also have a few minor errors, like missing a comma or indent occasionally. I commented on a few of these within the google document but I would recommend proof reading it and looking specifically for these errors. It looks like you also copy and pasted portions of your paper, like the quotes and references, and they are a dark gray rather than black so I think you should select the entire paper and turn it black to be sure you change all of it. I think the structure of your paper was good, I like how you separated academic and non academic writing, and how you divided those into structure, language, and references. However, I think it would be beneficial to include a conclusion to your paper to wrap up all your main points.
My overall impression of this paper is that it is on the right track but ultimately is incomplete. That being said the question asked “How do professionals in the field write”, was not answered in what was presented. The flow was very strong through the paragraph transitions. But there are many areas that could use a slight review.
ReplyDeleteIn the introduction paragraph, many sentences began or contained the pronoun “I”. This is not recommended because as a research paper, it should remain purely academic. It is easy to change these to “one” or to reword the sentences from “I found” to “the research shows that”. These small changes really improve tone of the entire paper. Not including I, makes the paper more academic in tone and more professional as a whole. Also, all verbs should be present tense. Instead of, “the research showed” it should be, “the research shows”, because if the reader goes and looks, they should still find the same information that you found.
In terms of organization, I recommend changing from explaining the audience of Human Physiology writings, to using that to explain why they write the way that they do. In class, we discussed how SLR(structure, language, and reference) and strategies of writing while AATP(audience,author,topic,and purpose) are ideas that impact and explain why and how SLR is used in writing. This will also solve the problem of not fully answering the question of the prompt.
As a final suggestion, create a loosely structured outline to complete your paper. It is helpful to have organization already planned out. I recommend separating academic and nonacademic writings, and then under each category explaining SLR and then using AATP to explain how they write and why the strategies they use are effective.
My overall impression of your paper is really good, I thought it was very informative and described the forms of writing well. I think you used a really good amount of examples and quotations to support your paper and your transitions between paragraphs were really good as well.
ReplyDeleteI noticed that you refer to yourself as "I" quite a few times throughout your paper and I think it you tried to avoid that it would improve the overall quality of your paper and make you sound more professional. You also have a few minor errors, like missing a comma or indent occasionally. I commented on a few of these within the google document but I would recommend proof reading it and looking specifically for these errors. It looks like you also copy and pasted portions of your paper, like the quotes and references, and they are a dark gray rather than black so I think you should select the entire paper and turn it black to be sure you change all of it.
I think the structure of your paper was good, I like how you separated academic and non academic writing, and how you divided those into structure, language, and references. However, I think it would be beneficial to include a conclusion to your paper to wrap up all your main points.